When I was sixteen, I climbed out my bedroom window almost every night to get drunk, stoned, and hang with people I once called friends.

I even have the same room I had back when I was a child, which should be comforting, but it’s not.

My hand touches my belly as I pull up to the front of my house-my childhood home. It still doesn’t feel real even all these months later. Then my mind goes to how the people closest to me are now all dead. To distract myself from my raging thoughts, I shake my head. But her betrayal was difficult to process. I know that feeling, I think I was like that with Dillan. How she craved attention and sought it in all the wrong places. Though, that’s not hard to achieve because I was miserable with him.Īnd Ellie? Thoughts of her often cross my mind. I help when he needs it, and I do all the cooking.Īnd… I’m so much happier than I was with Dillan. Getting into a car I bought for five hundred dollars off Facebook, I drive home.īenny’s easy to live with and the bonus is how well we get along. I’m healthy, and more importantly, the baby is healthy, which means more to me than you could ever imagine. The doctor has told me I could go anytime. I used to think it was weird how he did that, but now I’ve become accustomed to the tender act. Think of it as my early baby gift to you. You’re only meant to be on for four hours tomorrow. My teeth bite down on my lip at his insistence. Henry’s young, an amazing barista, and also the owner’s son. I can’t, I reply as he walks over and hands me a cup of herbal tea. And having this job as well, as tiring as it may be some days, is the only way I can do that. I have clients on the side because I want to keep saving. Henry’s nice, one of the best people I have ever worked with. Or is this God’s punishment for everything I’ve gone through by giving me a baby with a murderer? Things flew through my head after the initial shock settled.Ĭould Dillan’s sperm have been defective? To be honest, I was shocked and so grateful-every word and feeling you could think of-when I realized this baby was even happening-it’s more than a miracle and it means everything to me. I’ve managed to save enough money to have some time off with the baby once he or she has arrived. I thought about moving out, but Benny insisted I take the third room to use as a nursery. When this happened, I moved back to my hometown and am staying at my old house. Henry tells me to sit as often as I can, but my job is to serve customers, so standing is a must. He’s right, for the past couple of months my feet and ankles have been swelling badly to the point of pain. Your feet are swollen, and you look tired, Henry states categorically. My shoulders shrug without me thinking about it because not much seems to matter right now except the baby and me. Quickly I gaze down at my belly and smile. You should be on leave, he says, shaking his head. Sighing, I pull my bag further up on my shoulder as I smile at Henry, the barista. I hate the bitch and hope I never see her again. My body was defective, and it didn’t understand what I wanted.īut, somehow, along the way, with this man, it happened-I’m pregnant. I hope it lasts, this willpower I’ve managed to find and to dig deep to maintain.Ĭarrying a child was something I thought I would never do. It’s the first thing that runs through my mind every morning before my hand touches my belly.Īnd I’ve managed to stay away from him too. He has been spotted with an old flame, but there’s no news of the woman he seemed so attached to. It seems our notorious bad boy is still, and will most likely forever be, just that.

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